A friend came over to my house for coffee, and we sat down to chat about life. At one point during the conversation, I said, “I’m going to wash the dishes and I’ll be right back.”
He looked at me as if I had just told him I was going to build a space rocket. Then, with a mix of admiration and confusion, he said, “I’m glad you help your wife. I don’t help at home because when I do, my wife doesn’t thank me. Last week, I washed the floor, and she didn’t even say thank you.”
I sat back down with him and explained that I don’t “help” my wife. Actually, my wife doesn’t need help—she needs a partner. In our home, we share responsibilities. It’s not about helping one another out; it’s about partnership. Household chores aren’t “help,” they’re shared duties.
I don’t help my wife clean the house because I live here too, and I need to clean it as well.
I don’t help her cook because I also want to eat, and I need to cook too.
I don’t help her wash the dishes after a meal because I also use those dishes.
I don’t help her with the kids because they’re also my kids, and it’s my job to be a father.
I don’t help her with the laundry because the clothes are mine and the kids’ too.
I’m not a helper at home; I’m part of the household. And as for praise, I asked my friend when was the last time, after his wife had spent hours cleaning the house, washing clothes, changing the bed sheets, bathing the children, cooking, and organizing, he said, “Thank you.”
But not just a simple “thank you.” I mean the kind of thank you that goes: “Wow, sweetheart! You are incredible!”
Does that seem strange to you? When, for the first time, you cleaned the floor, did you expect a reward or a big round of applause? Why? Have you ever thought about that, my friend?
Maybe because you’ve been taught, through the lens of traditional gender roles, that all of this is her job.
Maybe you’ve been conditioned to think that she’s supposed to handle everything, while you just eat, sleep, shower, and satisfy your own needs.
So, here’s my suggestion: Praise her the way you wanted to be praised when you did something small. Offer her the same recognition, the same intensity. Give her a hand and act like a true partner, not a guest in your own home—someone who contributes, not just consumes.
The real change in our society begins at home. Let’s teach our children the true meaning of partnership and equality.
